No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
