i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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