i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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