Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
