The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
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