Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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