I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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