yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
