Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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