this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
