omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
