you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
