'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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