I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
