I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize