I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
