dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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