From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
