Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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