You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
