Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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