OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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