Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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