Pants 0. Shit 1.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
