your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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