im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
