there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
