Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
