it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He shit in the fireplace
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
