i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
