If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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