Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
