Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
