Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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