escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
