suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
