Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
