Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
