i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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