Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
