boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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