Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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