I puked a lego.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
