There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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