Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So. Much. Porn.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
