Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
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