The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
