I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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