It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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