I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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