I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
