so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
