Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
