weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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