I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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