I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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