i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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