96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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