I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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