We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
sarcasm needs its own font
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
