508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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