Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
