eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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