Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
