another moral hangover. fuck.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
