should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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