So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
