is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
