I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i believe in u and ur pee
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
