come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
