Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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