"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
