omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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