my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
